Posted in Advocacy, Mental Health

Is It Really Ok Not to Be Ok?

You may have heard the phrase ‘it’s ok not to be ok’ floating around. I myself have posted it on my Instagram page. And let me make it clear – I absolute believe it is ok not to be ok. It is acceptable, and in many ways healthy and necessary, to feel the full spectrum of emotions – including the ones that would come under the category of ‘not ok’. However when I hear this statement, I bristle against it. I always have. Somehow the statement seems to place an onus on the person feeling the emotions to allow themselves to feel them. And yes, that’s kind of the point. The first step to healing is often simply learning to feel and recognise what we feel/ why. But this statement brings to the forefront of my mind a deeper problem – that many of us can’t allow ourselves to feel.

In our society, if many of us were to allow ourselves to not be ok, we would need time off work or school. It would impact our productivity in a capitalist system that thrives of productivity, that measures our value and worth on what we can contribute. And many of us simply can’t afford to take time off work, or miss out on education when there won’t be someone to help us ‘catch up’. If people can’t afford to self isolate in the middle of a global pandemic because of economic struggles, how are they ever to be expected to take a day off work for their mental wellbeing, until it is so far degraded they are forced to, or they have internalised any struggles so trauma continues to be passed down through generation and unspoken interpersonal difficulties spread in our communities rather than a strengthening love between us?

Then there’s the issue of needing support, emotionally. When current mental health systems are set up in a way that fails to individualise care, fails to help minorities, recognise the impact of societal structures on our mental health, looks to healing in the context of productivity and ‘normality’, and incarcerates those it cannot get to conform without true sympathy – with all of this, how are we meant to truly allow ourselves to not be ok if we can’t trust or rely on a system meant to help us? An incompetent system. And even when it does help us, getting access to care in the first place takes months or years.

Next comes the issue of how these systems have impacted individual psyches. Mental health issues continue to be on the rise. And I stress that I am writing about this not to bum anyone out, but because when we talk about these issues, we empower ourselves to build a brighter future. I truly do believe that. An estimated 50% of people will meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental illness in their lifetime, and pretty much all of us feel the impacts of the world around us on our mental wellbeing at some time or another in our lives. After all, we all have mental health. So we need people to rely on, support networks. But it can be a challenge finding that in professional systems. Well then maybe we find that in our communities instead. That would be ideal. Except, we haven’t been taught how to support each other. We haven’t been taught how to build strong communities, or societies built on care for each other and working together rather than survival in a capitalist environment. And with everyone dealing with their own battles in life, it can be incredibly difficult to find our way through it all and build support systems. We simply don’t know how. But I believe we can learn. I have hope that with communities of people healing together, we can truly make ‘it’s ok not to be ok’ mean that – with none of this background context that I perceive now.

All your emotions are valid, and it is ok not to be ok. But it is also necessary that we continue to destigmatize mental health through breaking down the systems that compound the issues connecting it. Sending love and support to you all today x

Posted in Happy Notes, positivity

50 Compliments That Are Not Appearance Based

I know personally that it can feel a bit awkward to give or receive compliments, the protocol on when to compliment someone and how to react is a bit confusing to me. But I also like to imagine a society in which complimenting people was a more normal thing to do; where being open about how we feel (including our positive feelings towards others – complimenting them) was encouraged and normalised. However much of the time when we do compliment people it is appearance based. This is difficult because it can sometimes reduce someone to their appearance, which they don’t always have control over, and looks past who they are as a person and what they mean in our lives – especially when it’s to do with their body and not the way they dress (something they may use as a form of expression) for example. So I’ve put together a list of 50 compliments and open statements that are not appearance based. My challenge to you is to compliment at least one person a day for the next week on something other than their appearance. Let me know how it goes and any other ideas for compliments in the comments below!

  1. You make me smile 
  2. You’re funny 
  3. You make me happy 
  4. You’re kind 
  5. You make me feel safe 
  6. You glow 
  7. Your sensitivity is so strong 
  8. I appreciate you 
  9. You inspire me 
  10. You’re so strong 
  11. I admire your work ethic 
  12. You mean a lot to me 
  13. I love your honesty 
  14. You have a great mindset 
  15. You’re so brave
  16. You’re so loving 
  17. You’re are worthy 
  18. I am comfortable around you 
  19. You did great today 
  20. You are a warm person 
  21. You’re so understanding 
  22. You are a good listener 
  23. You are really insightful 
  24. You always care 
  25. You’re wonderfully unique 
  26. You are perfect exactly as you are 
  27. I wish more people were like you 
  28. I respect you 
  29. I trust you 
  30. I’m so happy you’re in my life 
  31. You’ve flourished as a person 
  32. You make a difference 
  33. You’re becoming even more amazing – and I didn’t think that was possible
  34. Your personality lights up the room 
  35. You deserve good things 
  36. You’re great at giving advice 
  37. I love how passionate you are about (blank)
  38. I love your imagination 
  39. You matter to me
  40. I love being around you 
  41. I love how confident you are 
  42. You make people feel important 
  43. I respect your integrity 
  44. You are a generous person
  45. You’re have an open heart 
  46. You are on your perfect path 
  47. I’m proud of you 
  48. Your ideas/ beliefs matter 
  49. Your happiness is infectious 
  50. You are a great leader