Thought I’d share something a little different today. The text below is directly copied from ruminations in my diary about being vulnerable (specifically online). Half formed thoughts and unanswered questions, which is kind of the point of what I was writing about – allowing an ‘unfinished’ image of self to be seen. I’ve thought about it more and this quote in particular resonated with me: ‘Vulnerability is the least celebrated emotion in our society’ ~ Mohadesa Najumi. I’m a growing, changing person whose views will inevitably change, but I don’t think I want to live holding back because I may think differently in the future. All we’ve got is now right? So this post is a little less about mental health, and more about the process of learning to be a mental health advocate (if I can allow myself that title!). Please enjoy this copy of my wandering thoughts:
‘I think I naturally ‘overshare’ a lot, though keep some things very hidden. And it’s part defence mechanism, but also part not understanding what’s meant to be hidden. I don’t see my ‘personal life’ as any more personal or precious just because it’s mine. It doesn’t really bother me if more people know, in fact sometimes that makes it more special to me. But is that just a need for validation? Or am I broken, or missing something – because I don’t seem to understand the idea of personal life in the way the messaging of the world does??
And also, of course I’m afraid of judgement. The biggest fears being that sharing I’ve had problems with alcohol – for example – will stop me getting a job in the future. But if no one speaks openly about these things then they remain something to be feared or judged. Right? Social media is so often used to show the ‘end product’ of healing, discovery, creation etc… the polished, acceptable version. But that’s not life! I’m ok being a flawed, growing person. I have to be because I always will be. I want to show that too.
But is there a right and wrong way to do that? Or is that just more expectations? Or is social media in fact not suitable for that? Of course it will always be just a snapshot of life – does that mean we cannot snapshot the vulnerability too? Indeed – what is vulnerability? I feel we live in a culture where we are afraid to make mistakes, especially in changemaking settings. But mistakes are a part of life. It’s all very confusing, but I don’t want to be afraid of the journey of figuring it out. I choose to move forwards with love and acceptance.’